Lazy Saturdays 4/30/2005

I think that one of my favorite things is to wake on Saturday morning, give some smooches and tummy rubs to the doggies, and realize that I have very little on my agenda for the day. It is such a nice feeling to putter around outside, snipping the roses, feeding the koi, and just taking it all in.

This morning, I was able to spend some quality time with the doggies outdoors. Muffin rolled her ball down the hill --- over and over. And Missy Booness sniffed every crook and crannie of the fence. The birds were very active, singing and flying around. I sat on the glider drinking a cup of coffee and reading a book. The sun was warm, and I could see the fruit on my trees. It was good. I paused, watched and felt the moment. I told myself to enjoy it - to delight in it. Life has many, many struggles. If it isn't one thing, it is another. Times without struggle, without stress are rare. But not this morning. Not today. Today, I will live in the moment.


Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early spring's a flower,
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day,
Nothing gold can stay.
Robert Frost

Making it up at work 4/26/2005

So they all think I am really, really smart or something at work. I keep telling them that I make it all up. Really! And they laugh, as if I am being humble. Who, me? Humble?! I think not! I really DO make it up!

For example, last night I brought some work home. I am working on workloads, caseloads, and resetting targets for workers. It is a little complicated - lots of considerations and all. Like, which classification of worker makes more than the other, what is the percentage of work that is expected of each classification, types of cases, and so on and so on. I tried to morph the old methodology into our new business model. And discovered after some research, that we have no old methodology. Only an antiquated system of weighting work based on the number of dinasours around on a given day. So, I made it up. Seriously. Since there was nothing else to try to use as a baseline, I made it all up.

Of course I disclosed it. I'm not unethical. Just creative.

The only one who really gets it at work (who believes me, that is) is my boss. I can hear her response already, " Stef - here are the stats that I worked on." "Oh okay. Thanks Roxane". "Oh, and by the way, I made it all up." "Oh okay. Thanks Roxane". {and at this point she smiles and I know that she believes me and has heard what I said}.

I have a big meeting this morning. It is with the director of the agency. I'm supposed to give a report on implementation of the new computer system. And, of course, I have nothing to say. Really - right now, the only thing that is going on is that people are working hard, getting on each other's nerves, stepping on each other's toes, and losing their tempers. You know, a normal day dealing with government. So what do I say in my report? I can't say what is really going on in those terms. So, I will make it all up. Something like, "we continue to put the final pieces of the implementation plan together, (we are working hard). There have been several incongruencies identified and are scheduled to be addressed, (people are getting on each others nerves and rubbing each other the wrong way- but must figure a way to continue to work together). We have also identified overlapping boundaries (people stepping on each other's toes), as well as areas of concern (losing tempers). However, the weather looks sunny today - with a chance of clouds and rain in the higher elevations. Blah, blah, blah...

See - it is all made up stuff. A string of nonsensical words. Words that say something but mean so much that they wind up meaning nothing.

I need to figure out a way to phrase this skill on my resume. Something like, "Ability to use up time in a meeting without actually saying anything or committing to anything". Or, "Construction Contractor: the skill of creating a facade of substance out of popsicile sticks, used gum, and string".

Goodness knows, once people figure out what I really, really do in my job, I'm gonna need that resume!

Rollerblading - 4/24/2005

There are these cheap Hawaiian hula dolls that sit on the dashboard of the car and wiggle - apparantly imitating the hula moves. Imagine that doll with thirty additional puinds on her. Now you have a picture of me on rollerblades.

I know that my feet were moving - yet they seemed to stay in one place in comparison with everything going on from my waist up. Back and forth I moved - waist up only - bending occasionally, going backwards, never quite staying still. One difference between me and the hula doll -- I had lots of pads on, no grass skirt, and I made noise. Lots and lots of noise.

Plots of grass became my oasis. I sought out any grassy area within my reach. At least I tried to. My taskmaster was stern. Gary (aka my boyfriend and rollerblade taskmaster) didn't allow me to slack off. He did back off once when I whined about my feet hurting. (And yes, they really did hurt! Seriously! Believe me!) I figured that I tried his patience when he asked if I really wanted to learn or not. Hmmmm... I just paid a ton of money for new blades, pads, and was looking like a complete fool in front of his apartment complex.... hmmmm,,,, did I really want to learn? I wasn't sure at that point.

It really sucks when people walk by and get this totally shit eating grin on their face as they look at me. I know that they are holding the laughter in... well at least for as long as they pass me. Yes, I hear you laughing behind my back. It wouldn't be behind my back if I could turn. But I can't turn. All I can do is try to keep my feet from going out from under me - while waving my hands and bending back and forth like the dashboard hula doll.

good thing I am hawaiian... yeah - that is it... hulablading: my extreme sport.

Banned - 4-23-2005

I have been banned from my home for the evening. Actually, I banned myself from home this evening. My 18 year old is hosting a "pleasure party". Ugh. I can't go and share that experience with her. Beyond gross...

However, my sister and her daugther will be here. And a close friend will be here... sigh. I'll miss hanging with them. But the thought of sitting through all of that with my child there... hosting it?! No thanks!

Instead, I'll be hanging in San Jose with my boyfriend. We had planned to rollerblade this weekend. The weather is not cooperating. So, I guess it is an indoor weekend.... Image Maybe I'll have a pleasure party of my own!

Toilet seat covers.

Who invented those stupid things? What is their purpose? I guess it makes it okay to sit your naked bum in the same spot that someone just sat their naked bum. But, they are a pain in the ass! (yes, pun intended). Yesterday at work, I went to the ladie's room. Entered the stall, tore three or four of the toilet seat covers (tsc) from the holder thingey before getting a complete one, took five minutes to place it on the toilet seat and manage to sit myself on it without it slipping off. Once I started to pee, I realized that the face hole (or whatever it is) was still intact. I mean, it didn't tear and create a hole. So, as I am peeing, I feel my legs getting wet. The damn tsc was holding my pee instead of letting it go into the toilet! Damn!

Worst part of the story - this has happened to me before. I figure it will happen again. sigh...

Entry for April 21, 2005

It is 7:16 a.m. I should be in the shower and getting ready for work. Instead, I sit in front of my computer and write. I search and search for something to do other than get ready for work. This has become a habit of late. I wait until the last minute before jumping into the shower. No wonder I look like hell every day.

I know that it is supposed to be somthing that my subconcious is doing -- something like, I really don't like work. But I do like work. At least, I like what I am doing. I think that I just don't like showers. Or, I don't like leaving in the morning.

Yup - that is it. I am becoming a hermit. I like my home, I like my dogs, and I like to putter around with a cup of coffee in my hand. Is this what it is like to get old? I am 41 and I would rather stay at home doing a jigsaw puzzle than go out drinking with the girls. sigh...

I had thought that I would grow into a really cool older woman. The one that is full of life, is fun, and loves doing things. Maybe I should re-think this concept. I think that instead I will be come the crazy lady who lives with her dogs, puttering about in her bathrobe, and mumbling to herself. (oh yeah - can't forget the cup of coffee in her hand...)

Enough musings. Guss I have to get ready for work.... maybe I can putter around there with a cup of coffee in my hand, muttering to myself.....