"Loveshack" (B-52s) is playing on KFOG! OMG, I love, love, love that song. No better song to sing to while driving in the car --- singing at the top of your lungs!
Friday, May 20, 2005
Monday, May 16, 2005
Thank goodness THAT is over! 5/16/2005
Good. Sunday is over. 10th anniversary is over. Good. I'm glad. Now I can just push all of that to the back of my mind and return to my regularly scheduled life.
I hooked up with two of my favorite Renegades last Saturday for coffee. It was great! (except for the part where we discussed our kids in the same way that our parents probably discussed us!) I loved hearing about the latest drama(s) in the corps. I miss all that ... it is better than reality TV. It IS reality! And, as they say, truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.
I miss being in the corps so much! I miss being all stinky, sweaty, tired, hot after a full Saturday practice. I miss the feeling of accomplishment of marching my show well. I miss hanging out with some of my favorite people doing some of my favorite things. And I miss the audience --- yelling for us and going wild.
sigh.
Well, even though I won't be on the field this year, I have all of the show dates marked. I already forewarned Gary of my need to attend all of the shows. I know that it may seem wierd - but there may be a change from one show to the next. And there will undoubtedly be something that I miss. The only way to really get the show is to watch it over and over and over... Or better yet, maybe at the last minute, the pit will discover that they need a triangle player. ...
I hooked up with two of my favorite Renegades last Saturday for coffee. It was great! (except for the part where we discussed our kids in the same way that our parents probably discussed us!) I loved hearing about the latest drama(s) in the corps. I miss all that ... it is better than reality TV. It IS reality! And, as they say, truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.
I miss being in the corps so much! I miss being all stinky, sweaty, tired, hot after a full Saturday practice. I miss the feeling of accomplishment of marching my show well. I miss hanging out with some of my favorite people doing some of my favorite things. And I miss the audience --- yelling for us and going wild.
sigh.
Well, even though I won't be on the field this year, I have all of the show dates marked. I already forewarned Gary of my need to attend all of the shows. I know that it may seem wierd - but there may be a change from one show to the next. And there will undoubtedly be something that I miss. The only way to really get the show is to watch it over and over and over... Or better yet, maybe at the last minute, the pit will discover that they need a triangle player. ...
Sunday, May 15, 2005
10th Anniversary - 5/15/95
This is it. Finally. I have known that this day would come. And now that it is here, I think that I should feel a certain way, cry, or something. I just feel sad. I have felt sad for 10 years.
It has been 10 years since my brother, Shannon, died.
So much has happened in that 10 years. So much has happened in my life, in the life of my family, and in the world in general. So much that I wish that I could have shared with Shannon.
I wonder if he would have gotten married, had kids, changed into an average type of 31 year old man. Sometimes, I see someone who reminds me of Shannon. And I wonder what he would look like today if he were still alive. And I wonder who he would be today. Would we share some of the same interests? Would we laugh the same?
When he died, I thought that things would get better with time. They haven't. I have just gotten used to him not being here. And I've gotten used to being sad.
We were almost 10 years apart. And I remember carrying him around on my hip, like he was my own baby - showing him off to my friends, to my neighborhood friends. We played house with him, watched him, and spoiled him. And when Momma, Shannon and I moved to Tahoe, all we had was each other. Just me and Shannon against the evil Auntie.
Sometimes, I try to trick myself into being positive, learning a lesson from his death, celebrating my life and the lives of those I love. Sometimes it works. I believe it and I feel better for awhile. But after awhile, it fades. And the sadness is there, like an old friend. Comforting me, reminding me that I haven't forgotten him.
Actually, I think that I hold onto sadness. To let it go feels as though I would be betraying him. I don't talk about it much. I try to keep it closed up - in the place inside myself where I keep all my secrets. And those times that I do talk about it, I say very little. Or at least very little of what I actually feel.
So here I am 10 years later. So much has changed. Yet nothing has.
It has been 10 years since my brother, Shannon, died.
So much has happened in that 10 years. So much has happened in my life, in the life of my family, and in the world in general. So much that I wish that I could have shared with Shannon.
I wonder if he would have gotten married, had kids, changed into an average type of 31 year old man. Sometimes, I see someone who reminds me of Shannon. And I wonder what he would look like today if he were still alive. And I wonder who he would be today. Would we share some of the same interests? Would we laugh the same?
When he died, I thought that things would get better with time. They haven't. I have just gotten used to him not being here. And I've gotten used to being sad.
We were almost 10 years apart. And I remember carrying him around on my hip, like he was my own baby - showing him off to my friends, to my neighborhood friends. We played house with him, watched him, and spoiled him. And when Momma, Shannon and I moved to Tahoe, all we had was each other. Just me and Shannon against the evil Auntie.
Sometimes, I try to trick myself into being positive, learning a lesson from his death, celebrating my life and the lives of those I love. Sometimes it works. I believe it and I feel better for awhile. But after awhile, it fades. And the sadness is there, like an old friend. Comforting me, reminding me that I haven't forgotten him.
Actually, I think that I hold onto sadness. To let it go feels as though I would be betraying him. I don't talk about it much. I try to keep it closed up - in the place inside myself where I keep all my secrets. And those times that I do talk about it, I say very little. Or at least very little of what I actually feel.
So here I am 10 years later. So much has changed. Yet nothing has.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Friday the 13th - I don't get it 5/13/05
Why does Friday the 13th get a bad rap?
I like Fridays. And the number 13 isn't so shabby either. There are 13 in a baker's dozen. And that means that you can filtch one donut before offering the remaining 12 to your officemates - and they'll never know!
So whenever I want to know something... I google it. And this is a piece of what I discovered:
"Other sources suggest the number 13 was purposely vilified by the founders of patriarchal religions in the early days of western civilization because it represented femininity. Thirteen had been revered in prehistoric goddess-worshiping cultures, allegedly, because it corresponded to the number of lunar (menstrual) cycles in a year (13 x 28 = 364 days). The "Earth Mother of Laussel," for example, a 27,000-year-old carving found near the Lascaux caves in France often cited as an icon of matriarchal spirituality, depicts a female figure holding a cresent-shaped horn bearing 13 notches. According to this theory, as the solar calendar triumphed over the lunar with the rise of male-dominated civilization, so did the number 12 over the number 13, thereafter considered anathema."
I also discovered that the Chinese and ancient Egyptians revered the number 13.... but, I am still missing the connection between 13 and Friday....
I don't get it.... Buller? Buller? Anyone? Buller?
I like Fridays. And the number 13 isn't so shabby either. There are 13 in a baker's dozen. And that means that you can filtch one donut before offering the remaining 12 to your officemates - and they'll never know!
So whenever I want to know something... I google it. And this is a piece of what I discovered:
"Other sources suggest the number 13 was purposely vilified by the founders of patriarchal religions in the early days of western civilization because it represented femininity. Thirteen had been revered in prehistoric goddess-worshiping cultures, allegedly, because it corresponded to the number of lunar (menstrual) cycles in a year (13 x 28 = 364 days). The "Earth Mother of Laussel," for example, a 27,000-year-old carving found near the Lascaux caves in France often cited as an icon of matriarchal spirituality, depicts a female figure holding a cresent-shaped horn bearing 13 notches. According to this theory, as the solar calendar triumphed over the lunar with the rise of male-dominated civilization, so did the number 12 over the number 13, thereafter considered anathema."
I also discovered that the Chinese and ancient Egyptians revered the number 13.... but, I am still missing the connection between 13 and Friday....
I don't get it.... Buller? Buller? Anyone? Buller?
Monday, May 9, 2005
Hail in Concord? 5/9/05
Hail... in Concord?? 05/09/05
Yup - hail in Concord. I couldn't believe it either. But sure enough, this afternoon around 4:00 I saw lightening and then heard thunder. Then, I heard what I thought was a really hard, driving rain. I looked out my office window and.... Hailstones were falling!
The hailstorm lasted for at least 20 minutes. And when it was over, it looked as if there was snow on the ground. Lots of my coworkers ran outside to try to make snowballs... but of course there is a reason that we call it snowballs... not hailballs. And they were not successful.
Okay, enough oohhhing and aahhhing... now back to your regular programmed show.
Yup - hail in Concord. I couldn't believe it either. But sure enough, this afternoon around 4:00 I saw lightening and then heard thunder. Then, I heard what I thought was a really hard, driving rain. I looked out my office window and.... Hailstones were falling!
The hailstorm lasted for at least 20 minutes. And when it was over, it looked as if there was snow on the ground. Lots of my coworkers ran outside to try to make snowballs... but of course there is a reason that we call it snowballs... not hailballs. And they were not successful.
Okay, enough oohhhing and aahhhing... now back to your regular programmed show.
Saturday, May 7, 2005
Nothing, Nada, Nil= Nap 5/7/05
Now I know why I didn't create a blog until now. Guilt. That is it, pure and simple.
I haven't made a post in a week. I have been away from home all week - working in Santa Cruz (yes, I was really working). And I worked hard. And I'm tired. And I missed my daughter and my doggie. That's it. That's all. nothing more.
However, I have a nagging feeling --- GUILT! I haven't posted on my blog for a week! I told myself that when I started this blog thing that I would do it at least a couple of days a week - I wouldn't slough it off, like I do with so many other things that I start.
But, I have nothing to say. I thought about writing about Booboo smiling at me. I thought about writing about work (and WHO cares about that?!?). And that was about all I could think of.
Lots and lots of exciting things happen to me. Really, they do! But, I just can't think of any. And certainly nothing to write about. So.... I feel guilty. Like I should have wonderful thoughts and everyone would benefit from hearing the wonderfulness of those thoughts. But no wonderful thoughts, nothing new or even humerous. Nothing, nada, nil.
My mind is blank. Oh well, I think I'll go take a nap...
I haven't made a post in a week. I have been away from home all week - working in Santa Cruz (yes, I was really working). And I worked hard. And I'm tired. And I missed my daughter and my doggie. That's it. That's all. nothing more.
However, I have a nagging feeling --- GUILT! I haven't posted on my blog for a week! I told myself that when I started this blog thing that I would do it at least a couple of days a week - I wouldn't slough it off, like I do with so many other things that I start.
But, I have nothing to say. I thought about writing about Booboo smiling at me. I thought about writing about work (and WHO cares about that?!?). And that was about all I could think of.
Lots and lots of exciting things happen to me. Really, they do! But, I just can't think of any. And certainly nothing to write about. So.... I feel guilty. Like I should have wonderful thoughts and everyone would benefit from hearing the wonderfulness of those thoughts. But no wonderful thoughts, nothing new or even humerous. Nothing, nada, nil.
My mind is blank. Oh well, I think I'll go take a nap...
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